Being a twin mom is very different from being a Mom. There are many factors which make twin parenting arduous and distinct. But twin moms are many times pushed under the scanner and judged for their bizarre behaviors. They are often guesstimated and misconstrued. Some times people pay no heed to the fact that Twin Moms are Different!
Disclaimer : This post does not mean to offend anyone. The intention of this article is to reflect the emotions, describe or defend the nature of twin moms and to emphasize that Twin Moms are different.
Why twin moms are different?
Whenever we meet any person, whether a stranger or a friend or a relative the very first question we hear as a twin mom is,
“How do you manage two kids? I feel lost already in nurturing one child!”
So they all know it’s difficult. What they don’t realize is it’s different!! Many don’t see that Twin Moms are different!
Here, I am also obliged to mention those wonderful souls, who take time to understand that our parenting style needs to be different and cannot be judged on the go! Thanks for your realization and being supportive.
Caring for twins will bring innumerous changes to our life, whether we like it or not! We become the person we were not before! Sometimes we become the person we don’t want to be! These changes come along with the joy of having twins. They are inevitable!
Yet at times, people implant unrecoverable wounds by judging us at a glance. They don’t discern there is a reason behind our actions. They miss to notice that twin moms are different and they have to be!
So on behalf of all the mamas of twins, I am listing down few ways how twin moms are different and why? Bear with me, the list is huge !! 🙂
#1 We never hesitate to ask for help
Yes! We do bother friends and family for help. We often take care of the kids all alone, but there will be times when we need a helping hand to watch the kids or for other chores. It may be because we are ill or we have to attend some works pending for a long time or we are tied up with the sick kids and cannot move out of the home or simply because we need a break.
Even if we were an introvert before, now we don’t hesitate to ask
” Can you please baby sit my twins for an hour? ”
“Can you please get me those groceries when you are going to get yours? “
Please don’t think we are lazy or incapable. We are only feeling weary or helpless.
#2 We want everything on schedule
We run on timetables. There is a schedule for breakfast, lunch, dinner, nap, bed time, laundry, cleaning and for almost everything. We can even go for an outing only on a planned schedule. Sounding silly right. But this is the fact.
We follow schedules because only then we can keep our family organized with two little kids of the same age. Only then we can save our sanity, have a regular life and keep moving. If we don’t follow time and routines, very soon we will fall apart due to tiredness, depression and frustration.
So next time, don’t wonder why we are so conscious about our timings for anything and everything!!
#3 We take advantage of any visitor’s presence
You could have visited a twin mom’s house and felt puzzled, why she is doing other chores while letting me baby sit the kids. Don’t take us wrong. With two kids around, we always have loads and loads of pending works on the queue. We just don’t get the time to move away from our kids and do the left over chores.
If somebody visits us, after some cordial conversations, our mind irresistibly thinks
” What chores can I finish now, when the guests are spending time with the kids? “
So when you visit us, we try to utilize your presence and that invaluable time to complete one or two chores. And that’s the reason why we couldn’t sit and do a relaxed talking with you!!
Recommended : 7 Essential tips for managing twin babies
#4 We are super excited about going out alone
We love our babies and want to attend their needs 24 × 7. In spite of all the self boosts and motivations, still we get extremely tired both physically and mentally, in baby sitting our twins all through the day. We long for at least an hour of outing all alone. And when it is actually happening, we are super happy and get out very joyfully.
You may wonder, ” How can she happily roam out without worrying about her kids?”. I am sorry. You may be wrong. The moment we land out of the house all the excitement fades away.
We constantly worry,
“What the babies would be doing, will the caretaker be able to handle them alone, will the kids hurt each other, will they eat and sleep properly” and many more fears will be engulfing us.
We need to take breaks to balance our mental health and it definitely delights us. Yet irrespective of all the excitement, we long to get back home and be with the kids.
#5 We get freaky when their sleep gets disturbed
If you have read my post 12 Ideas to handle sleep issues with toddler twins you would know ‘Twins sleeping time is the breathing time for their parents’. It is during their short naps and few hours of sleep we need to do laundry, finish cooking, clean the house, complete all other left over chores and take some rest(if at all possible). So if that sleeping period of our twins get disturbed, which means all our planning was spoiled, it’s quite natural we go mad.
So please don’t come to a conclusion that we are getting psychic for such small reasons. Our twins sleep time is the only period where we have to rush up and do everything in this world other than baby sitting!! 🙁
#6 We are over cautious about their health
Many of the twins are born premature and have a weak immune system. Once one of the babies catches a simple cold, we know very well the other twin is also going to grab it pretty soon.
This holds true for any sort of infection either viral, bacterial, flu or anything that is contagious. The result is we will have prolonged sick days, the kids will suffer and we will be totally exhausted and worn out. So we try to follow every possible precautionary measure to make sure they don’t catch any infections. We are too strict about their diets, we don’t let them play in unhygienic places, we restrict them from involving in certain activities and more.
So yes! We are very cautious about their health to avoid acute stress on our kids and us.
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#7 We always watch out their activities
Twins tend to fight and hurt each other much more than normal siblings. We have to always stay near by, to avoid them from getting into any trouble. Hence we often peep in and watch what they are doing. We are extremely scared to let them play alone.
Saying that, it’s a habit for us to watch the kids all the time. We are used to this, so we couldn’t avoid doing it anywhere we go. That doesn’t mean we are over protective, we are just doing due to the necessity.
#8 We make them learn things early
We have to take care of either two babies or two toddlers or two kids or two teens of the same age at any point of life. Every stage has its own challenge. To save everyone’s nerve we teach certain chores pretty early.
We are not having the option of pampering them(even if we would like to) as we will get weary, if we are doing it all through the day for two kids. So we make them eat on their own, wear their dress themselves and do tiny household chores as early as they could understand and follow those activities.
We are at times judged to be a stern mom who doesn’t coddle her babies and let them do all these jobs. But that’s not the underlying reason!! We do it to keep them engaged, to save time, to make sure our life doesn’t become clumsy.
#9 We are strict and bossy
Have u continuously done the referee job all through the day? We do! We do it 24 x 7! There will be never ending fights. If they aren’t fighting they will be doing some naughty stuffs teaming together! So we have to be strict and stern to keep them under control.
We yell and shout often. We don’t have the luxury of being a soft, patient mom which we would love to be! Even if we try to be that dream mama, it wouldn’t last for more than half a day. So no other go and we have to set rules and become bossy before they start hurting each other.
# 10 We cannot get out of the house so easily
You will invite us for surprise parties or get together or unplanned play dates. But sorry we may not be able to join those. It is super difficult for us to go ahead with a surprise outing.
We have to check if someone can accompany us as a helping hand, pack the supplies, get the babies ready, throw ourself some minimal makeup to hide the messy mama and jump out of the house. And you know all that cannot happen on a snap of the finger. We badly need more time!!
#11 We are not comfortable in all the places
We love play dates! But if it is in an open ground, we have to think about it. We love to join kiddies parties, but we cannot stay long. But sorry, we are not comfortable going to many places owing to the fact, the already tired mama has to run behind and watch two kids again, in an open and more crowded place. This is definitely a stressing and tiresome job if the mumma has to take the kids alone.
So we have to compromise some fun and can only shortlist our outing options based on our comfort level.
Recommended : Saying NO to your child
#12 We are messy with a grubby face
Recently, I read a quote.
You can see either clean children or clean mumma. Not both!
That’s damn true! I would say you can see clean children but never a clean and neat mommy! We are always messy with a grubby face. We don’t have the time and energy to make up and admire our looks!!
Twin Moms are different. They look different too 🙁
#13 We are forced to make compromises as a family
As I already said we have to make compromises in many ways in many places. We have to give up many things to provide the best for our kids. We have to compromise our career, passion, health and much more. But this adjustment doesn’t stop with us. Our kids also have to adapt at many occasions. Our compromises doesn’t seem important when we watch their’s.
We feel immensely sad to see our children compromise things which a single child wouldn’t have to. Our kids feel that their parents love is always shared. Not only love, toys, food, dress, bed and almost everything.
But they get used to it and soon become matured. They learn many big life lessons at a younger age.
#14 We are stubborn in many ways
You would have interacted with a twin mom and after sometime given few ideas. But you will be thrown aback seeing that she sticks to her point to the tee and doesn’t listen to your view. Yes! We are stubborn and we have to be!
Like every other mom, we get parenting advice from every corner, but in a double or triple or more than usual number. Everyone we meet will throw us some advice or will judge our parenting style. Whatever it may be, we have worked out which is best for us through trial and error!
We are comfortable with our own ways but the judgement statements never stopped coming. So we naturally became super stubborn.
#15 We have our own unexpressed emotions
Being stubborn, strict and bossy doesn’t mean we don’t have a tender heart. We have to be so, for the wellness of our children. We do have our own emotions which we could not express due to lack of time and people to hear.
We do everything that is feasible, yet we feel guilty we couldn’t do justice to both the kids. We cannot do more for them and it makes us feel bad. We are bound with many limitations. We break to see our children having to adjust and compromise in such a younger age.
We don’t express many emotions but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel it.
In-spite of all the judgements and differences of being a twin mom,
We love to see our twins holding their fingers, doing baby talks, caressing each other and simply being together.
All the struggles and troubles fade away as we watch their tiny little world.
So Yep! Twin moms are different. Next time please hold on and give a thought before judging them!! As I mentioned at the beginning, this post was not meant to offend anybody. We are sorry, if it unintentionally hurt anyone.
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How else do you think twin moms are different? I would love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
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